Catching Up to Everything Else
Published
The deadline for the blog came and went. It wasn’t as bad or as scary as I’d begun to feel, but I still can’t help but wonder and feel whether or not my supervisor supports what I suggest. I always feel a pushback or resistance. Especially, lately. I’m trying to observe it without letting it drown me or alter my intention and motivation. I’m simply allowing the frustration that comes with this realization to come visit without it dampening or overpowering my solidity and even my intuition. I do not need the validation of anyone, but in order for me to work well with someone, I do need their trust. I need them to already recognize that I have a consistent and solid work ethic and very strong principles. And when decided, I get things done. I woke up feeling a little lighter about the blog that needed to be published knowing that I just need to clean up a few things and that it’s finally ready. I put it through one of those AI writing detectors just in case
Synchronicity
I was 10 minutes late for meditation today. I haven’t been sleeping at the right hours. I’ve been sleeping at 304am and waking up at 9am at the very earliest but, 11am on average. I had been thinking a lot about The City and Its Uncertain Walls novel and its themes were on my mind as a sat for the meditation. During the Dharma talk, I was still a little sleepy, and so I closed my eyes to listen. I like that what was being shared with us was from the Monk’s direct experience, and about how there is more to life than discipline and following the “things you think you need to do”. That it’s still important to let the light in. The translator first used the word shadow instead of light, but when I asked to clarify, when we were allowed to ask questions, apparently she meant to translate “komorebi” which is the phenomena of “sunlight leaking through trees”and it immediately made me think of the book.
There are these and small things throughout the day that always make me feel that everything is truly connected.
Printing Era
My friend L found a printer outside her doorstep some weeks ago (the one that I had to lug and bring along on my night out dancing). I finally got a chance to test whether or not it works. I bought printer ink and installed it today, and… *drum-roll* it works! It absolutely works. Nothing printed when I used the old ink, but once replaced—everything worked out. I only paid $50 for the ink, and it’s a usable machine. I can’t believe that that’s where we are. People are so well-to-do and comfortable that they leave perfectly usable machines and electronics out on their doorsteps, to take, for free.